The stages of intimacy build in glances, touches, words, and unspoken tension. Emotional, physical and even spiritual connection appear through signs of mounting desire. Let’s break down how to create arcs of attraction using the 12 Levels of Intimacy template in Plottr.
What are the 12 Stages of Intimacy?
Heads up! This framework gets steamy toward the end — mature themes ahead. The twelve stages are:
- Awareness of Presence. That first moment when someone steps into your orbit. You notice their presence and physical characteristics and possibly feel a spark.
- Eye to Eye. A lingering glance. A shared look. A flicker of curiosity that says, “Hey, you…” (Think: Romeo and Juliet’s first eye-lock.)
- Verbal Contact. The first words exchanged. Banter, small talk, or something deeper — it’s the bridge from attraction to connection. Ines Johnson gives telepathic communication as an additional example of this contact type (in paranormal romance).
- Hand to Hand. We often describe holding hands or touching palm to palm in the language of electricity. Hand-waving and showing our palms is one way we create closeness, relatability and mutual liking.
- Arm to Shoulder. A casual arm draped over the shoulder may be friendly, protective, or flirty. (Cue the classic yawn and stretch move on a movie date.)
- Arm to Waist. More personal, more intense. The waist is a vulnerable space, and wrapping an arm around it signals a deepening connection.
- Mouth to Mouth. The first kiss. A moment of emotional and physical intimacy, often led by a shared glance that says, Is this okay? before diving in.
- Hand to Head. A tender, trust-filled touch. Brushing away a stray eyelash, tucking a lock of hair behind an ear — classic (some may say clichéd) moves that show closeness.
- Hand to Body. The stakes rise. Intimate touch intensifies after a kiss, but it’s also a key moment to check in, pull back, pause, or slow down if needed.
- Mouth to Breast. Pressing lips to bare skin (chest, back, or elsewhere) takes intimacy further, building trust and deepening intimacy.
- Hand to Genitals. A pivotal step, where physical connection deepens with full consent from mind, body, and soul.
- Genitals to Genitals. The most physically intimate stage, though intimacy itself is about far more than just physical contact. As Ines Johnson notes, “There are many ways to touch genitals without intercourse, which starts a whole other level of intimacy.”
Who Created the 12 Stages of Intimacy?
Desmond Morris shared this framework in Intimate Behavior: A Zoologist’s Classic Study of Human Intimacy (1972). The 12 Levels of Intimacy template in Plottr was created by romance author Ines Johnson. Johnson and other romance authors have adapted Morris’ framework for writing modern love stories spanning diverse romance subgenres.
7 Types of Intimacy that Create Connection
The list above covers the stages leading to the closest physical intimacy. There are many other types of intimacy too, of course:
- Emotional intimacy. The closeness we feel to another person emotionally, in romantic or platonic love
- Physical intimacy. The connection created through mutual touch
- Intellectual intimacy. The meeting of minds as we discover each other’s thoughts, viewpoints and opinions
- Spiritual intimacy. Some define this as closeness attained by sharing religious systems. Others describe it in broader terms, such as intertwining of souls; soul-mates
- Aesthetic intimacy. The sharing of beauty, such as enjoying a magical view together, or sharing appreciation of a movie or piece of art.
- Humor. Intimacy also builds through shared jokes, affectionate teasing, laughing at ourselves (and each other) as we see each other’s amusing aspects
- Forward-looking intimacy. Closeness is reinforced by discussing and sharing plans for the future that include one another. For example, planning a holiday, engagement or to have a child
Psychology Today breaks down each type of closeness.
Example of the 12 Levels of Intimacy in Action: Before Sunrise
Let’s unpack this framework with plot point examples from Richard Linklater’s classic 1995 romantic drama, Before Sunrise.
Awareness of Presence
Jesse is on a train from Budapest, heading for Vienna to catch a plane back to the US. Céline is also aboard, returning to university in Paris after visiting her grandmother. Céline moves seats closer to Jesse to escape an arguing couple, and they acknowledge the couple’s conflict with a mutual glance.
Eye to Eye
Jesse and Céline share another lingering look when the wife of the arguing couple storms past them. This leads to the next stage of intimacy: talking.
Verbal Contact
Jesse initiates conversation by asking Céline if she speaks English and whether she knows what the couple was arguing about. Their conversation quickly deepens as they discuss relationships and life.
From Hand to Hand to Mouth to Mouth
As they decide to leave the train together, Jesse extends his hand to Céline at the train doors. There’s a slow clasp, a moment of hesitation, and a slight pull toward each other, symbolizing their first physical connection.
There is a growing sense of intimacy as they decide to roam around Vienna until Jesse’s flight in the morning. As they walk, they lean into each other more (there is no exact “Hand to Waist” moment).
They ride a Ferris Wheel near sunset. Due to the short time they have together, Jesse suggests they “jump in time” to when they’d kiss after the usual, typical awkwardness.
Céline puts her arms around him and quips, “How come every time you want me to do something, you start talking about time travel?” They kiss.
From Mouth to Mouth to Implied Physical Intimacy
The “Hand to Body” moment comes as Jesse and Céline grow more comfortable, such as when they dance together on the sidewalk to the sound of someone playing a harpsichord.
Jesse and Céline arrive at the final stage of intimacy in imagination and conversation mainly. Céline tells Jesse that she had planned to sleep with him when they got off the train together, but that because he is leaving it will only complicate things emotionally for her. They make out until dawn in the park instead, before going their separate ways.
What’s the 12 Stages of Intimacy Template (and Why Use It?)
This plot template in Plottr consists of twelve scene cards. Each card’s title is one of the stages of intimacy listed above. The text in each scene card gives a brief reminder of what each stage typically involves.
So, why use this template for plotting romantic stories and developing physical and other kinds of chemistry between characters?
Create Signs of Attraction that Build and Intensify
Deep intimacy is rarely instantaneous. It builds through a smattering of telltale signs.
This template will help you decide where the glances, first touches, and closer connection points might fall in your story. It’ll help you craft these moments as decisively.
Create Sexy Tension and Strong Pacing
Romantic tension thrives on anticipation. Using this framework helps you pace attraction and intimacy so that every lingering glance and near-touch builds to something more electrifying.
Make Every Touch Count
Use this template to track when, where, and how physical closeness develops so that each moment feels intentional, meaningful, and true to your characters.
Avoid Rushing (or Stalling) Intimacy
Too fast, and intimacy in stories feels unearned. Too slow, and readers might check out. This template helps you balance progression. It’ll help you make the buildup of connection align with your characters’ emotions, backstories, and mutual chemistry.
Time constraints for your characters or other factors may mean they skip over a stage here and there, like in the example from Before Sunset.
How to Use the Stages of Intimacy Template in Plottr
Ready to write something swoon-worthy? Get started with a free trial of Plottr. Then, follow these simple steps:
- Step 1: From the Plottr dashboard, click Create from Template
- Step 2: Under Starter Templates, click 12 Levels of Intimacy, then Create New Project
- Step 3: The template will open in Timeline view, with section headings Level 1, Level 2, and so forth
- Step 4: Start building a romantic plotline on a new line, or replace the text in each scene card. You can also add this Starter Template to an existing project and use it as a framework for a romantic subplot!
Templates in Plottr make the perfect pairs. Try this romance-oriented template with one of these others:
Ready to Turn Up the Heat?
Build better romantic arcs and stories now with a free Plottr trial.
What’s your favorite romance book or movie, or top tip for writing believable intimacy? Share it and comment below.
2 thoughts on “Plotting Stages of Intimacy from Sweet to Spicy [Plot Template]”
I am familiar with the 12 stages of intimacy, but having them all laid out on a template will make it so much easier to make sure I’m hitting every note.
Hey Sue, that’s great to hear! Thanks for reading our blog and letting us know this is helpful to you.